Doing the Thing

I don’t love calling it a comeback, because in my head I never really quit, but essentially this is how I announce my comeback. It’s been some time in the making, and now it’s time to share my plans with the world. It doesn’t make sense to keep it a secret any longer after getting on the podium in the NL Gravel Series race in Zandvoort yesterday (June 10 2023).

Three years ago, at the end of 2020, I gave up. Not because I didn’t want to do the thing anymore, but because I was empty, drained, both mentally and physically. Since 2017 I dealt with a whole raft of health problems, the most obvious of which was an unpredictable issue with my breathing that I just couldn’t pin down. I tried many things, arguably too many, to get to the bottom of this issue over all of those years. In the end it was the fact that I struggled to live a normal life even as an ordinary non-athlete that lead me to someone who did figure it out.

Now is not the time for the full story. What’s important at this moment is that at the end of last year I knew how to deal with the problems, and once I realised nothing stood in the way of training there was no way I was going to be able to sit still.

I started training on Sunday December 4, 2022, right after wrapping up the broadcast of the cyclocross World Cup in Antwerp. This was a 1.5 hour ride at 27 km/h, half of which in the dark with lights on the bike. In short, basically nothing. That, though, was the start of a long process of incremental improvement which has lead me to the present where I’ve done my best power numbers for every duration I’ve attempted above around 40 seconds, and where I’m training much more than I’ve ever been able to in terms of both intensity and volume.

In addition to the removal of physical problems the major difference, I think, is that I’ve grown up. Until 2019 I was not much more than a kid trying to be a pro cyclist, unable to handle the stresses and responsibilities that entailed. I’m not even sure I would have become a full time professional even if my health hadn’t been standing in the way. In the intervening time I’ve changed, grown, realised some of the mistakes I made in the past, and in a way I’ve changed my mentality. I thought about the question of whether I wanted to do this for a long time, and I decided that I did, and I wouldn’t waste the opportunities this time. I’m just doing the thing without thinking too much about it instead of making up excuses not to do it. I know most of how to do what I want to do, and I’m simply trying to execute that as best I can.

For the moment, I’m arguably better than ever. I’m back down to something resembling race weight, and as I already said I’m doing power numbers that I either haven’t seen in years or that are better than I’ve ever been able to do. That is not to say I’m at the level I need to perform in cyclocross races yet, but that is more a question of time and specific preparation. I’m ready to get there with the remaining three months of training. I’m already better than I was in my best races as an u23, and I will only improve with time. At the moment it’s hard to say what kind of level that will be exactly, but I’m confident I will be good.

So what is the goal? Cyclocross. It’s not the easiest path, but it’s the path I have chosen. I want to give the best and most fun sport in the world a go again. Cyclocross is what I love doing, and what I think I’m best at. I’m all in on this winter, and showing my best self from September onwards. Everything up to that point is just preparation.

Throughout the next couple months I’m going to be training full time, and in addition I’ll continue the coaching I’ve started doing over the last two years. I might still do an occasional commentary job but the focus is on training.

At the moment I have just my body and a 5 year old cyclocross bike with a couple wheelsets, as well as a GCN+ film crew following me around at times. At the moment I have no team (racing for my local club WSV de Peddelaars for now), no sponsors, no coach, no mechanics, in short none of the infrastructure that a top level athlete usually enjoys, just the support of the people close to me. I’m still in the process of figuring out how to manage a cyclocross season with these limitations, but it turns out you can train like a pro if you only have time and a working bike. Every minute of training so far has been posted to Strava for those interested.

In due course there will be more explanation about my health, my training, and hopefully some kind of team announcement before the start of the season. For now, though, I’ll continue giving it my best shot, just Doing The Thing.